I wanted so much to sit down and write something very thoughtful and reflective today,就像我过去几年过生日时一样。The last twelve months have certainly given me plenty to say;they've been full of interesting insights and realizations,lots of renewed human connection,and important steps toward coming home to myself.
When I wrotelast year's birthday post,still in the shadow of the great breakup of 2017,我受伤了，很困惑。I've let a lot of that go.我不再对事情的发展与我想象的不一样这一事实感到愤慨。betway必威体育平台I no longer feel a sense of injustice betway必威体育平台about what happened;it's just what happened.And I'm at peace with the fact that I'm mapping out a new life and new direction for myself.It's still hazy and uncertain,but the future is always uncertain.I'm starting to appreciate how much freedom I have,which is overwhelming at times,但这是它自己的福祉。
These things aside,我今天缺词了。我现在还觉得耳朵感染不舒服，我幸运的被治疗。我不像星期天那样焦虑或害怕，but I'm conscious of being tired and turned inward.I have a strong,清楚地意识到我现在唯一优先考虑的是照顾我的身体，which is what I'll do more of today.My blogger's instinct is to say more or share more—to process my feelings in greater detail or to search for lessons beneath them—but sometimes it's important to say only what's true and not say any more.
I said something akin to this to a very dear friend over email the other day—I told her that I was short on words,而且我感到沮丧和疲倦。她说我的话很完美；他们是事实。I was surprised at how directly her email touched my heart;我一看就哭了。I didn't realize how badly I must have wanted,or needed,for someone to remind me that being honest is enough.
所以这就是我所在的地方，说真的？在我三十六岁生日那天：更聪明一点，I think,了解有趣的事情，unknown future that stretches out before me.还是有点迷路了；still paused at a life crossroads and wondering which way I'll go.Time will tell.时间是真正的生日礼物：又增加了一年的旅程。
In the past few days,当我感到不知所措的时候，I've gone to sit in the park near my apartment,breathing in fresh air and listening to the springtime symphony of birds chirping in the trees.这周有很多凉风，which has been soothing.
It's gotten me thinking of how important it is to be with nature in moments of uncertainty,fear,or doubt.And it brings to mind a Wendell Berry poem I've always loved,"野生动物的和平。”I thought I'd share it today,对于我自己，也对于任何其他可能需要它的人：
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
在他美丽的水面上休息，and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light.For a time
I wish it for all of you,也是。Thank you for celebrating another year with me,我会see"you on Sunday for the usual roundup.